Dr. Pollets offers highly effective couples therapy and couples sex therapy. His therapeutic technique has been
influenced by his thorough training in two of the “cutting edge” couple treatments, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) developed by Dr. Susan Johnson and Relational Life Therapy (RLT) which evolved from the writing and work of Terrance Real.
Both these therapeutic modalities consider the relationship the “patient” but emphasize different aspects of the change process.
However, both have the same goal; that is to reduce relationship distress and create “secure attachment.” EFT focuses on the
emotion underlying negative interactions between partners (“negative cycle”) and the therapist is active in helping change the
“dance” or problematic interaction between partners. RLT emphasizes the importance of teaching relational skills. In RLT the
couple then applies these skills in their negotiations of “disharmony” or conflict. The relationship improves as a function of
increased ease of managing conflict. Dr. Pollets works to assess and apply whatever couples therapy approach or technique seems
most appropriate given the needs of the couple and the specifics of the presenting problem.
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Dr. Pollets |
EFT is a structured short term (8 to 20 sessions) approach to couples therapy.
There is research that speaks to its effectiveness (studies show that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery)
and it is based on a clear, explicit conceptualization of marital distress and adult love. EFT is theoretically grounded
in work of John Bowlby, an English analyst who researched and wrote on childhood attachment and separation distress.
Bowlby’s writings highlighted how attachment needs are “hard wired” and highly adaptive to human survival, well-being and
psychological and physical health. When basic attachment needs are thwarted, Bowlby holds, and we can’t “find” our partners
(they are perceived as not available, engaged or responsive), separation distress is signaled, strong emotion evoked and actions
follow which propel the couple into the dysfunction dynamic or problematic “dance” that defines their suffering.
The objective of EFT is for the therapist to first create safety and security between the couple and the therapist (“safe haven”).
Second, to expand and re-organize key emotional responses to separation distress which lead to the “negative cycle” between partners.
Third, the therapist works specifically on the interaction itself or the “dance”. This entails directing partner’s attention to how negative
responses are triggered when one either protests separation distress or withdrawals. This mutually reinforcing interactive response cycle becomes
the “enemy” in the treatment not figuring out who is right. Fourth, the therapist encourages partners to reach for each other, to reveal deep
emotions and vulnerabilities that underlie the action patterns. This creates a shift in the interactional positions and initiates new and positive
cycles. The “distancing” partner is encouraged express underlying needs and wants (and not withdrawal in reaction to “protest”). In turn, the
“blamer” is encouraged to soften her protest over not receiving emotional support and to make requests for intimacy to her partner. This changes
the dance and has a positive impact on developing intimacy between partners.
Relational Life Therapy is the 21st century solution to an
“endangered specie;” that is, marriage. With divorce
rates hovering around 50%, new skills and beliefs are needed
by partners for the relationship to continue in harmony over
the life-span. RLT has a specific technology to help couples
learn these skills. Relational skills are crucial to learn
for couples recovering from an affair or traumatic event.
Learning relational skills can help enhance relationships
suffering from the “doldrums,” with passion and
energy at low ebb.
In RLT, the therapist is active and relentless in identifying
the “losing strategies” and diagnosing the maladaptive,
defeatist and negative “dance” that defines the
couples’ interactions. Once partners can see how they
both contribute to the repetitive conflict or fight, they
are ready to understand the relevance of family of origin
to relationship dynamics. Work then moves to teaching the
relational skills and “winning strategies.” Using
this therapy, couples can expect significant change in their
relationship in three to six months.
Learn about Relational
Life Therapy
RLT teaches that intimacy is a practice and the relational
skills that are necessary for enhanced intimacy can be taught.
Relationships often go out of harmony (into disharmony) as
part of flow of life. However, a couple needs to know how
to repair disharmony so that good relations and emotional
connectedness can be restored. RLT is a skills-based treatment
yet attuned to the emotional connection between partners and
amplifies this when in question. The therapist names what
is “deformed” about the relationship, explains
what relationship defeating behaviors are being enacted and
then provides the tools to correct the problematic relational
behavior.
Learn about Mindfulness
and Relational Life Therapy
Learn about Sex
Therapy and Relational Life Therapy
Learn about How to Heal After an Affair...
Dr. Pollets is on the faculty of the Relational Life
Institute.
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